We at BikeSmut LLC have a strong history of telling each other to stop making excuses and start making sex faces. The “Fuck you, do it better” motto, stolen from Zoobomb, (which perhaps was stolen from Deadletter Ben?) has been in our lexicon since our humble beginnings.
Here is a message sent from our director of public affairs to HQ:
Hey butt head! so whats the deal with the next bike porn tour??
So you wanted me to write you a proposal… since the “fuck bikes” tattoo on my ass isn’t good enough….this will have to do.
I feel that I have a lot to offer the bike porn tour because i am totally into bikes, I love riding them, learning to fix them, pretty much anything that involves bikes. I also enjoy porn and sex, so joining the tour will bring my two loves together in perfect or not so perfect balance. I for some reason enjoy it when people laugh when I’m acting silly..So being the center of attention is something I am comfortable with… As I have mentioned before, I am a dancer, so the whole nudity bit comes naturally. Sex sells and I have been earning a living on my titties, for over a year now..and believe me, they are nice.. As far as selling merch, I will be able to move product by being motivated and creative in selling..preferably topless, that always seems to do the trick! I will also come up with ideas of my own to contribute to the group. You told me that you got tired of being to the ringleader and always coming up with all the ideas all the time. I also like to work with people with their ideas to make beautiful things happen. I am motivated and focused when I am faced with challenges. Most of all, i love having fun, and isn’t that what its all about? Making money and having fun! let me know what you think, Jhen 503 XXX XXXX
Well there you have it. A perfectly good gauntlet fisting our anus, slapping our face then laid at our feet. Be there when the bikesexuals get it on in Vancouver Brittish Columbia, Friday, May 29th 2009 post Critical Mass.