Bike porn infamous tour chronicles –Ashland
“The Party Queen”
I only tolerated her as long as I did because of the bottle of SoCo that was in her possession…
But as bottles usually do, it ran out within a matter of time. Even with the liquor she was proving a difficult person to deal with. If caught in conversation with her, which was a daunting cliff to climb out of, you constantly felt your I.Q. slipping a couple points. And then there was the laugh, or was it the mating call of a giraffe with a sore throat, I forgot to ask. [moreover EVERY utterance was punctuated by said laugh making it a trademark behaviour – ed]
After the nights festivities I passed out, only to be awaken by that oh so familiar mating call and John Mayer covering Cyndi Lauper… I think. Apparently, while I had passed out, party queen on going at it, and was now approaching the “i don’t give a fuck that everyone’s asleep and Shania Twain is the shit, I’m gonna blast it!!!!” stage that we all know and love. Fortunately she knew she was obnoxious and annoying everyone, unfortunately the only way she felt to make it up to us was to turn up the “jams” and offer us this explanation:
*For more enjoyment, read the following section in the eloquent voice of a sorority valley girl all coked up and ready to make you curse god and/or evolution for giving you the ability to hear.
“Sorry for partying!!!! But this is how I do it, not in Portland but when I’m here this is what happens,
I work seven days a week, twelve hours a day with kids! So when I party I listen to shitty music and dance and I’m obnoxious!”
she carried on with this speech from couch to couch apologizing to the people who were already sleeping, what a saint. Two things came to mind when she approached the futon that I was trying to enjoy. One, Doesn’t she have to work tomorrow? And if she thinks her own music is shitty why listen to it as well force others to deal with it?
One brave fellow, was waging a passive aggressive war with her by turning off the music, only to have her turn it back on. The party queen felt she had found a sympathetic ear in mine and confided that “I don’t give a fuck, I don’t live here now but I did, and that was before he did!! and I don’t give a fuck!!!! he’s dating my best friend and she was awesome before, I mean she still is…” I couldn’t understand the rest of her babbling but she concluded with her signature catch phrase “i don’t give a fuck! (insert sore throat giraffe mating call here)”. Thankfully I was the distraction and the aforementioned saint struck a dagger into that ugly dragons heart in the form of hiding the ipod from hell away. from its owner. After a few slammed doors and a “i don’t give a fuck!!” we the oppressed were freed from tyranny of that party queen.
– Tanx Josh and tanx Ashland! We hope to return someday and see what kind of real trouble we can get into. Only Corvallis and Eugene remain… wait until December 3rd