[not from the Onion newswire]
A “complete bullshit” was called early this Tuesday morning in relation to The Pornography of the Bicycle not being shown in the state of Tennessee. Jacob Malbro of Richmond VA was explicitly upset at the cancellation of the Nashville, TN show this April 1st. “
Resident and local bike organizer, Joey Jello was similarly overwhelmed by the “perfect shitstorm” that has befallen The Goddamn House, the Nashville venue expected to host The Pornography of the Bicycle.
“Was it some elaborate April Fools Prank, meant to stymie the pro-Bikesexual movement?” Continued Malbro in an overdramatic exasperation with well timed arm failings. “Maybe Tennessee is not ready for Bike Porn.”
“Or maybe,” the concerned citizen continued, “a massive riot will ensue, the crowd demanding more state sponsored bicycle pornography.”
A scientifically insignificant poll of Tennessee residents likely to riot due to bike porn shortages was inconclusive in its findings.
And yet though all these setbacks, still more bike porn is in the works! Just today we were confirmed to play in Denver, Colorado.
Derailer Bicycle Collective
411 Lipan St.
Denver, CO 80204
starting at 8:30pm
Report from Chapel Hill: “We establish the Mortal Frame” Adam from St Anthony Hall.
“I hardly saw it, but I thought it was great” said a self-proclaimed female gamer nerd. “The fisting was outstanding.”
“I have to go pee first, but then I would love to give an opinion.”
“The crowd was very receptive. We try and hold down the overtly sexual and possibly offensive topics.”
Thanks to our hosts and all the productive after show conversation that gets to happen.